I Don't Have Glaucoma -- I'm just big veined.

Last week at the eye doctor's office, they had me take a series of tests. You know the ones... puffs of air and fuzzy letters. Anyway, I had to do one test that I didn't remember ever doing before. The wavy lines test. If you haven't done it, you basically stare at this black dot in the middle of the screen and any time you see wavy lines appear in your peripheral vision, you click a button. Ok. I knew it was a test, but I can't help being competitive. And I was going to make sure I got every single wavy line if it killed me. I tried to keep my eye on the dot and follow the directions, but every once in a while, I'd look away and directly at whatever wavy line was waving at me in that moment. The thought did cross my mind that this could be a crucial test, but surely they'd have a more concrete way of testing anything important. Because... really. Did I mention that I wanted to WIN THIS GAME of the wavy lines???

After the test, the doctor came in to talk with me and after a few more glances at my pupils the conversation went something like this (also I don't think I'm exaggerating, though it may not entirely be verbatim) :

Doctor: Ok. So, you may come across another doctor somewhere else that'll try to tell you you have glaucoma, but I really don't think you do.

Me: ... What?

Doctor: Well, you passed the test fine and even though there are some things that would point to early signs of glaucoma, I really don't think you have it. Everything looks healthy and, like I said, you passed the test with the wavy lines.

Me: *thinking* SHIT! I cheated on the TEST FOR GLAUCOMA!

Me: Are you sure? I mean, what if the test is wrong?

Doc: Oh, yeah, I mean, your eyes look healthy. You're just one of those people with bigger veins. You know like some people are "big boned"... you're "big veined".

Me: *blink, blink, blink* Ummm... what?

Doc: Yeah, well, you know, someone else, another ophthalmologist might see that and say you have glaucoma. When really, you just have slightly larger veins.

Me: *nervous* Sooo, can I retake the test?

Doc: *chuckle* No.

I MAY HAVE GLAUCOMA!!!!!!!

Ok. Seriously, though, he did wind up checking my eyes pretty thoroughly and I go back today for further checking up. So, yeah. Still, it was a pretty messed up visit.

On a lighter note, I have a random medical pride when I go to the ophthalmologist, the dentist and the doctor. Apparently I have the perfect proportions for examinations. Sounds dirtier than it is. Basically, I've come to realize that at the Ophthalmologist's office, I don't need to have my eyes dilated because I have the "perfect sized pupils". The dentist claims I have "the perfect sized teeth for not getting cavities" and the doctor never has to use a tongue depressor because I can show her the back of my throat without being depressed. If only that all really counted for something other than my own amusement.

Itsy, Bitsy, Hairy Spider... had to die...

The past few days, there's been this clever, wily spider about the size of a nickel haunting my stairway. I call him clever and wily because he kept making appearances, peeking out, looking at me, then as soon as I'd run to get the spray, he'd vanish. I swear this spider knew I was tracking it. Knew I wanted it to be gone. And was probably laughing at me all the while. Seriously. Same damn spider for the past few days.

Well, today, I had the spray at the bottom of the stairs. I was leaving to go get the kids this morning and opened the door to the garage. Then, I felt something DROP ON MY SHIRT! I looked down and it was the DAMN SPIDER making an ambush.

Of course, me being me, I freaked and flipped the spider off of me onto the ground and grabbed the spray. Sprayed the crap out of it.

***I don't like to squish things because (a) I hate the way it feels (b) I hate the way it sounds and (c) I don't like the mess it makes. Also, I don't like it when the bug jumps or skitters to get away when you attempt to squish it. And I'm all for the catch-and-release method except that I really can't get near things like that in order to catch it and release it. If someone else volunteers, then, fine. Have at it. Not me!***

Anyway. That was the end of my itsy, bitsy, hairy, wily, clever spider.

Allergic to Alligators and Sharks, Too

Today, I was hanging out and having lunch with the best 4-year-olds in the world. Some might accuse me of being biased, but really... they're so great. Anyway, we always get into random discussions about different things and today's centered around allergens. Princess #1 starts off saying that her mom and brother are allergic to pets but not her or her dad. She's just allergic to pollen sometimes. Where Princess #2 then chimes in with, "I'm not allergic to any animals. I'm just allergic to alligators and sharks." And she was so serious, I couldn't help laughing full-on at that. Of course, she was tickled that she'd made me laugh, so she went on to say that she was also allergic to tacos. Apparently "allergic" is flexible. If that's the case, then I am allergic to spiders and snakes. And bosses like the Emporer and bad dates. And many, many other things. 4-year-olds have brilliant logic.

Bat for Lashes

So, Pudge sent me this music video today from the band Bat For Lashes that is so interesting and creepy and wonderful, I had to share it. Watch it all the way through.

25 Reasons... Just Because

There are soooo many reasons why I like you. I'm going to make a list! You'll never read it anyway and THAT gives me license to be outrageously shmoopy. (Something I will deny if you ever happen to read this and call me "shmoopy"...)

1. Because you make me smile.
2. Because you think snuggling is awesome.
3. Because you tell me when I'm being a jerk.
4. Because you tell me when I'm being sexy.
5. Because sometimes you get all rumpled and that is irresistible.
6. Because I work too much, but you don't make me feel guilty about it.
7. Because you "get" me even when I don't really understand myself.
8. Because you let me apologize and explain when I'm having a bad day and say something I regret.
9. Because you dance around like a jackass just to make me laugh.
   
10. Because you make me laugh even when I'm stubbornly trying to be grumpy.
11. Because you rescue me from spiders and creepy crawlies.
12. Because you are awkward and sexy and adorable and frustrating all at once.
13. Because you answer me honestly when I ask you questions.
14. Because you don't hesitate. (much)
15. Because you listen when I'm talking (or typing).
16. Because you don't take me for granted.
17. Because you kiss like a god.
    
18. Because we can be silly together.
19. Because you make me coffee.
20. Because you miss me when I can't be there. (Truth is, I miss you, too.)
21. Because you don't mind taking out the trash.
22. Because you let me rant about stupid crap without making me feel like stupid crap.
    
23. Because you make me believe in love.
24. Because you don't freak out if I happen to cry.
25. Because I need you.
    

Sirene

Trouble (2:19:34 PM): feisty

Sirene (2:19:37 PM): I AM.

Sirene (2:19:43 PM): why am i so feisty today?

Trouble (2:19:56 PM): you need to go work out with your vibrator

Sirene (2:20:05 PM): i'd like to think that douchewads bring out the feist in me.

Sirene (2:20:08 PM): NO.

Sirene (2:20:12 PM): actually, i probably should.

Trouble (2:20:18 PM): =)

Sirene (2:20:20 PM): *sigh*

Sirene (2:20:54 PM): ok. i'm out.

Trouble (2:21:04 PM): vibrator?

Sirene (2:21:09 PM): NO.

Trouble(2:21:14 PM): heheh

Sirene (2:21:14 PM): i'll talk to you later.

Sirene (2:21:23 PM): enjoy talking to your mature, manly friend.

I Enjoy Being a Girl

So, I spent my morning lounging a bit, shopping online at VS, thinking about how I might spend the rest of my afternoon. And yes, I made a few purchases, and as they added up a thought flitted through my mind that guys have it sooo easy. Their "secrets" aren't as costly to dress as us females. And while a sexy man in very nice boxer briefs or, my personal favorite - trunks-, certainly does get the blood a-boilin', a good pair runs them maybe $22 - $28 on average. And that's when they want to look great, feel great and be their sexiest in designer labels.

For those of us of the fairer sex, it's not fair at all. Sure we get pretty designs trimmed with lace and ribbons, but for us a sexy set that covers (or sometimes just enhances) our "secrets" runs closer to $60 - $70 on average. Take today, for example. I was shopping the sales. Clearance. And I spent $130 on things that will only cover my secrets 2 days of the week. Or one really great weekend where I'm only in and out of them briefly enough to run for coffee.

*Sigh*

Truth be told, though, I really, really, really enjoy being a girl. And I like all the ribbons and lace and softness that goes into the really great secret keepers. And I like the reaction I get when I'm all dressed up. And you already know I'm attracted to the trouble that ensues... so, when all is said and done, I suppose it's worth it.

Now... if only I could find someone willing to pay for the next round. *wink*

<---------------- What I bought. (Since you asked) ------------>

Also, on a random sidenote... I find it hilarious and ridiculous that these two models feel the need to pose in exactly the same way. The "Ooooh, I'm scantily clad so I must tussle my hair with both hands and stretch" pose. Coincidentally, I do that very thing all the damn time. Really. All girls do. When they get too tired from the pillow fighting and practicing kissing.

Move Over Jane Fonda

So, I've been trying to kick my ass into shape lately. Or rather, paying a huge Ex-Marlins Ball Player to kick it into shape for me.

I actually like talking about it and the rigidity of the training. Makes me feel kind of hard core when really... nothing could be farther from the truth. Still. I need to get back into shape and so far, this is what I have to do to make sure I don't get lazy.

Apparently, I've been talking about it SO much, that I've actually been inspiration to those around me to begin a fitness regime themselves. Four people in the past 2 days have told me this. On the one hand, YAY! Misery.. I mean, fitness, loves company! However, on the other hand, I can't help reacting with a "wha? huh?" Who are these crazy people who've chosen to blame me for their inspirational motivation to kick it into gear?

Whatever. I won't complain. I will take their motivational push and use it for my own selfish gain. With all of us racing to fitness, I want to win it first. And I have a secret motivational tool up my sleeve. So. Watch it, people. That's all I have to say.