I Don't Have Glaucoma -- I'm just big veined.

Last week at the eye doctor's office, they had me take a series of tests. You know the ones... puffs of air and fuzzy letters. Anyway, I had to do one test that I didn't remember ever doing before. The wavy lines test. If you haven't done it, you basically stare at this black dot in the middle of the screen and any time you see wavy lines appear in your peripheral vision, you click a button. Ok. I knew it was a test, but I can't help being competitive. And I was going to make sure I got every single wavy line if it killed me. I tried to keep my eye on the dot and follow the directions, but every once in a while, I'd look away and directly at whatever wavy line was waving at me in that moment. The thought did cross my mind that this could be a crucial test, but surely they'd have a more concrete way of testing anything important. Because... really. Did I mention that I wanted to WIN THIS GAME of the wavy lines???

After the test, the doctor came in to talk with me and after a few more glances at my pupils the conversation went something like this (also I don't think I'm exaggerating, though it may not entirely be verbatim) :

Doctor: Ok. So, you may come across another doctor somewhere else that'll try to tell you you have glaucoma, but I really don't think you do.

Me: ... What?

Doctor: Well, you passed the test fine and even though there are some things that would point to early signs of glaucoma, I really don't think you have it. Everything looks healthy and, like I said, you passed the test with the wavy lines.

Me: *thinking* SHIT! I cheated on the TEST FOR GLAUCOMA!

Me: Are you sure? I mean, what if the test is wrong?

Doc: Oh, yeah, I mean, your eyes look healthy. You're just one of those people with bigger veins. You know like some people are "big boned"... you're "big veined".

Me: *blink, blink, blink* Ummm... what?

Doc: Yeah, well, you know, someone else, another ophthalmologist might see that and say you have glaucoma. When really, you just have slightly larger veins.

Me: *nervous* Sooo, can I retake the test?

Doc: *chuckle* No.

I MAY HAVE GLAUCOMA!!!!!!!

Ok. Seriously, though, he did wind up checking my eyes pretty thoroughly and I go back today for further checking up. So, yeah. Still, it was a pretty messed up visit.

On a lighter note, I have a random medical pride when I go to the ophthalmologist, the dentist and the doctor. Apparently I have the perfect proportions for examinations. Sounds dirtier than it is. Basically, I've come to realize that at the Ophthalmologist's office, I don't need to have my eyes dilated because I have the "perfect sized pupils". The dentist claims I have "the perfect sized teeth for not getting cavities" and the doctor never has to use a tongue depressor because I can show her the back of my throat without being depressed. If only that all really counted for something other than my own amusement.