Innocent, I Swear: Itsy, Bitsy, Hairy Spider... had to die...

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Itsy, Bitsy, Hairy Spider... had to die...

The past few days, there's been this clever, wily spider about the size of a nickel haunting my stairway. I call him clever and wily because he kept making appearances, peeking out, looking at me, then as soon as I'd run to get the spray, he'd vanish. I swear this spider knew I was tracking it. Knew I wanted it to be gone. And was probably laughing at me all the while. Seriously. Same damn spider for the past few days.

Well, today, I had the spray at the bottom of the stairs. I was leaving to go get the kids this morning and opened the door to the garage. Then, I felt something DROP ON MY SHIRT! I looked down and it was the DAMN SPIDER making an ambush.

Of course, me being me, I freaked and flipped the spider off of me onto the ground and grabbed the spray. Sprayed the crap out of it.

***I don't like to squish things because (a) I hate the way it feels (b) I hate the way it sounds and (c) I don't like the mess it makes. Also, I don't like it when the bug jumps or skitters to get away when you attempt to squish it. And I'm all for the catch-and-release method except that I really can't get near things like that in order to catch it and release it. If someone else volunteers, then, fine. Have at it. Not me!***

Anyway. That was the end of my itsy, bitsy, hairy, wily, clever spider.

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Vixens

Trouble:
That would be me. If you're around me long enough, you'll see it's an apt nickname. I have the best intentions, but even I recognize trouble when I cause it. With all of my shenanigans, I could have been called something much worse. I am, however, fun times. That's how I keep the friends I have. Hmm... coincidentally, it's also how I keep the enemies I have. That bears looking into. Regardless, enjoy your voyeurism into my life!
Super Powers = Reading Minds, Creating Innuendos, Establishing Awkward Moments

Luscious:
She is the one person I trust to call me on all of my bull shit. Of which, there is a lot. But, she's great at it. I think she secretly enjoys it. And also blatantly enjoys it. Also, she never fails to get my jokes. Laughing at them, apparently, is not part of the deal. Still. I love her. BFFE!!! (She hates when I call her that. And that's exactly why I do it.)
Super Powers = Bull Shit Calling, Rational Thinking, Utilizing Grammar, Ass Kicking (she's a little hoss)

Pudge:
Utterly fantastic, gorgeous woman who spends her days at the spa. I'd hate her if she wasn't my own sister. Instead, I pretend I had something to do with her fabulousness. Mostly, we bitch about men and their ridiculousness. And then we plan to run away to Europe. Because everyone knows men over there aren't in the least ridiculous...
Super Powers = Being Fabulous, Comedic Timing, Waxing

Sirene :
She's not allowed to sing in front of men that I'm attempting to seduce. Her voice truly can and does lead men to their doom. I know this. She calls me ridiculous, but I've seen it happen.
Super Powers = The Voice, Bawdy Jokes, Predicting the Future

The Lizard Queen:
To be honest, I have no idea how this nickname came about. If I had to guess, I'd say it was from something bawdy. However, as far as I know, it's just been that way for many years and I like it so it sticks. I've learned that she won't desert a friend no matter how mopey they get or how tired she gets. And she is hilarious fun times. Also, she can produce willing booty calls like no one's business. (Seriously. It's not your business. I think in a past-life, she was a pimp.)
Super Powers = Creative Genius, Antics Galore, Air Quotes

Golden:
No, she's not a blonde, but she does have a heart of gold-ish, and I can always count on her to be fantastic. Also, to drag my butt out on the town when I've been cooped up too long. Very necessary, these interventions she does.
Super Powers = Interventions, Bantering, Pirates

The Law:
"I Am 'the law'!" is something you can hear her yelling as she fights for the rights of young refugees. Sound awesome? That's cause it TOTALLY IS! If I ever needed anyone to fight for my right to paaaaarty, I would call this chick. When she goes all litigious on you, it's kind of bad ass. Not gonna lie.
Super Powers = Interventions, Bantering, Pirates

Everyday Joes

Crash:
Hottie aptly named since the first time we hung out was after he'd crashed into a park bench. He is absolutely the best to goof off with and is arguably more neurotic than I am. Which is a difficult feat. But, he's pretty and funny and so we love him anyway.
Super Powers = Creating Antics from Thin Air, Being a hoss

The Ness:
Latin hottie that somehow manages to dodge the slew of ladies swooning in his path each day. It took him years to admit that we weren't making up the power of the ness. Now, he's recently come into his own and is breaking hearts all over the world. That aside, he is the best shoulder to cry on and is always willing to spill his guts about anything. No truth serum required.
Super Powers = Charming the ladies, Hand Gestures

Irish:
Tall, dark and handsome, we've bonded over little things like gaming and singing. Once after a night out gaming, I was a bit tipsy and he sang me to sleep -- really, he wasn't singing me to sleep, he was just singing and I fell asleep--but, the concept was the same. He's fun people.
Super Powers = Crooning

Innocent, I Swear

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Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Itsy, Bitsy, Hairy Spider... had to die...

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